What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
