We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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