I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
