yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
