i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
