a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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