I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
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