i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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