first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
