Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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