my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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