Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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