I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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