i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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