If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
