I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
