You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
