I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
