put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
