i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
