The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
