i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
