Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
