this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
