just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
