Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
