their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
