did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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