that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
