I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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