He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
