Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
