And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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