Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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