Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize