i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
