We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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