they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
