don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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