WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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