actually, I'm a sock model
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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