I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm getting married
To pizza
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
