i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
