At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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