In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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