I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
