U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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