who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
