You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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