One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
im six kinds of drunk right now
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
