When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
