Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
