What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
