Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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