I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
