i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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