If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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