To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
