Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
