running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
