So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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