okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
