TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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