Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
