its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
